Wall to All

Sometime stories of a sometime scribe who sometimes writes


Maybe you need to know about Karratha? You can, of course, Google "KARRATHA WESTERN AUSTRALIA" Maybe you will. It's how most people get their -highly inaccurate- world view these days. I've been at this writing game far too long to believe what I read in the papers. F'God'sake, I don't even believe what is written on a postage stamp.

So when a dear friend [G'day Chubby never forgotten ole mate] from Melbourne, who grew up with me, sent an e-mail recently, I knew I'd be getting a different slant on something. Chubby tells it as it is ... not as it should be ... or as it might have been ... in "KARRATHA WESTERN AUSTRALIA". As a writer you need to do as much 'primary research' as possible. If you want a tip for the 2.30 at Doncaster don't ask the jockey. Or the trainer. Or the owner. And don't google it. Ask The Horse. 'Primary data' is what you get from the horse's mouth. 

The internet provides 'secondary data'. Chinese whispers even and you believe anything you find on the internet at your peril.  In Irish we used to say "Dúirt bean liom gur dhúirt bhean léi".  Where was I? Oh Yeah! I was going to write about    "KARRATHA WESTERN AUSTRALIA".  This friend from youth, whom I've not seen for almost forty years, send me the following. It's a sort of diary extract of a friend of a friend of his from Galway who wound up in Australia, western Australia, specifically "Karratha"


August 31 - Just got transferred with work from Galway to our new home in Karratha, Western Australia. Now this is a town that knows how to live! "KARRATHA WESTERN AUSTRALIA"Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've finally found my new home. I love it here.

September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today. No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a sun-worshipper - no blasted rain like back in Galway!!

September 30 - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. No more mowin lawns for me! Another scorcher today, but I love it here. It's Paradise!

October 10 - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatising is taking longer than we expected.

October 15 - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed three days off work. What a dumb thing to do.. Got to respect the old sun in a climate like this!

October 20 - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car after work,
Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat shit. I've learned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.

October 25 - This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant fuckin' blow dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink and
the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order parts from fuckin' Perth ......the wife & the kids are complaining.

October 30 - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the fuckin' air conditioner. House is an oven so we've all been
sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?

November 4 - Finally got the fuckin' air-conditioner fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 35. Stupid repairman. Fuckin' thief.

November 8 - If one more smart bastard says 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to fuckin' throttle him. Fuckin' heat! By the time I get to work, the car radiator is boiling over, my fuckin' clothes are soaking fuckin' wet and I smell like a baked cat. Fuckin' place is the end of the Earth.

November 9 - Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery in my car. I thought my fuckin' arse was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and off my fuckin' arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat. Fuck.. Fuck... Fuck....

November 10 -- The Weather report might as well be a fuckin' recording.. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and fuckin' sunny. It never fuckin changes! It's been too hot to do anything for 2 fucking months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Fuck!

November 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this damn fuckin place? Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the fuckin pool. The only things that thrive in this fuckin hell-hole are the fuckin flies. You don't dare open your mouth for fear of
swallowing half a dozen of the little bastards!

November 20 - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 fuckin' degrees today. Now the air conditioner's gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?' I wanted to shove the fuckin' car up his fuckin' arse. Anyway, had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid prick. Fuckin' Karratha! What kind of sick, demented fuckin' idiot would want to live here!

December 1 - WHAT!!!! The FIRST day of Summer!!!! You are fuckin' kiddin' me!......


 Now that is all I need to know about "KARRATHA WESTERN AUSTRALIA" Google away